When Love Becomes a Trap: Toxic Women and How to Rise Above

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When Love Becomes a Trap: Toxic Women and How to Rise Above

By Coach Davie | DaveCha Moments

I’ve sat across from too many men—strong, prayerful, gifted men—who are now just shadows of themselves. Not because they lacked direction. Not because they failed. But because they gave their heart to someone who slowly crushed it… in the name of love.
Today’s article is not about bashing women. It’s about exposing toxicity—especially the kind that hides behind beauty, “wifey material” standards, or even spiritual masks.
Let me tell you a true story.
A young man came to me, completely broken. His girlfriend would insult him in public, control who he talked to, and always made herself the victim when he tried to express his feelings. Every fight ended with him apologizing—even when he wasn’t wrong. The girl was attractive, smart, and even served in church. But behind closed doors, she was emotionally manipulative.
This young man kept saying, “Coach, I love her… but I feel like I’m losing myself.”
That’s the danger of toxic love. It doesn’t always show up as poison—it shows up as pressure. As silence. As guilt.

So What Does Toxicity in Women Look Like?

Toxic traits can be subtle, but they show up consistently.
 Here are just a few signs:

  • She gaslights: You begin doubting your memory, feelings, or perception. She twists facts to always come out clean.

  • She’s overly controlling: She decides who you talk to, what you post, and how you live—even in areas that aren’t sinful or wrong.

  • She plays the victim: Every time you raise an issue, it becomes about how you’ve hurt her instead.

  • She disrespects you publicly: Jokes that cut deep. Criticisms in front of friends. Sarcastic remarks that humiliate you.

  • She’s overly flirtatious with others but calls it “fun” or “you’re insecure.”

According to a 2022 relationship behavior study by PsychCentral, nearly 1 in 4 men in long-term relationships reported emotional manipulation as the top reason for feeling depressed or inadequate in the relationship. This is real.

To My Fellow Men: You’re Not Weak for Wanting Respect

There’s a toxic myth out there—that as a man, you should just “man up and take it.”
No. As a godly man, you were called to lead, to love, and to grow—not to shrink into silence.

If she constantly attacks your character, shames your dreams, and mocks your spiritual efforts, you must pause and ask:
Is this the helper God designed for me—or am I trying to fix someone who doesn’t want healing?

Let me be clear: you can love someone and still walk away for the sake of your peace and purpose.

What Should You Do If You’re Already in a Toxic Relationship?

  1. Pray for clarity, not just emotions.
     Emotions can deceive. Clarity reveals patterns.

  2. Speak up early and honestly.
     Set healthy boundaries. Address disrespect with grace but firmness.

  3. Seek godly counsel.
     Don’t isolate yourself. Talk to a mentor, pastor, or counselor who will speak truth and not just sympathy.

  4. Know when to walk away.
     Sometimes, the most godly thing to do is leave what’s breaking you before it breaks your future.

To My Ladies Reading This: Toxicity Isn’t Power, It’s Pain Wearing Lipstick

If you find yourself always needing to dominate, manipulate, or emotionally guilt your partner—pause.
Ask yourself: “What hurt am I projecting?”
You can’t build love on wounds you refuse to heal.

Ladies, true femininity doesn’t control, it inspires.
It doesn’t demand submission—it earns trust.
It doesn’t manipulate emotions—it multiplies peace.

Final Words From Coach Davie

Toxic love is not your portion.

Whether you're a man who’s tired of walking on eggshells, or a woman who realizes she’s been operating in broken patterns—healing is possible. But it starts with truth.

Stop normalizing emotional abuse because it doesn’t leave bruises.
Stop calling it love when it's emotional warfare.
And stop patching what God is calling you to fix or leave.

Join me every Tuesday for Love Talk Live on DaveCha Moments Facebook page as we keep uncovering the truths that build strong, godly relationships.

Because you deserve a love that heals—not one that hides pain under the carpet of hope.


Want more insights? Contact me for bookings, coaching & mentorship. 

WhatsApp: +254 721 166180 | ✉️ Email: davechamoments@gmail.com

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