DEALING WITH RED, YELLOW & GREEN FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

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DEALING WITH RED, YELLOW & GREEN FLAGS IN RELATIONSHIPS

By Coach Davie – Davecha Moments

INTRODUCTION

One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is ignoring the signs.

Sometimes, it’s because we’re so hungry for love that we silence our gut. Other times, we don’t know what to look for—or worse, we mistake red flags for normal behavior because we grew up around dysfunction. But listen, just because something is common doesn't mean it's healthy. And just because you love someone doesn’t mean you should stay.

In this Love Talk, I want to walk with you through something I wish every single and dating couple knew: the power of red, yellow, and green flags in relationships. These “flags” are more than just popular lingo—they are tools to help you make wise, godly, and emotionally safe choices when it comes to love.

Whether you're single, dating, courting, or mentoring someone who is, this will help you see clearly what many ignore—until it’s too late.

Let’s dive in.

🚩 RED FLAGS — The Warnings You Should Never Ignore

Red flags are serious signs that a relationship could become toxic or harmful. These are not small issues—they’re deep-rooted behaviors or patterns that can damage your heart, mind, or even your spiritual walk.

Examples of Red Flags:

1. Addiction (Drugs, Alcohol, Porn, Gaming, Social Media)
If they rely on substances to cope or escape reality, that’s not just a struggle—it’s a signal. Addiction clouds judgment and ruins intimacy.
📖 “Do not get drunk on wine... but be filled with the Spirit.” – Ephesians 5:18

2. Abuse (Physical, Emotional, Verbal)
Anyone who puts their hands on you, manipulates your emotions, or tears down your confidence is not a safe partner. Abuse is never “just a phase.”
📖 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.” – Colossians 3:19

3. Cheating or Breadcrumbing
If they lie, flirt around, or keep you on emotional “standby,” that’s not love—it’s control. Don’t let fake intimacy blind you to real inconsistency.

4. Narcissism & Love Bombing
Some people use intense affection early on to gain power. Beware of those who flatter you today and manipulate you tomorrow. Healthy love grows slowly.
📖 “By their fruit you shall know them.” – Matthew 7:16

5–10. Other Red Flags

  • Constant jealousy or possessiveness

  • They isolate you from friends/family

  • They can't communicate openly

  • They’re emotionally unavailable

  • Everyone close to you has a bad feeling about them

Bottom line: If you feel more anxious than at peace, it’s not love. It’s a trap.

⚠️ YELLOW FLAGS — Proceed with Caution

Yellow flags are not deal-breakers—but they are signs to pause and examine more deeply. Some things just need time, clarity, or conversation.

Examples of Yellow Flags:

  • You have very different personalities or communication styles

  • They’re not physically your type, but the connection is strong

  • They don’t fully understand the Gospel yet, but they’re open

  • There’s a small trust issue, but you’re not sure if it’s from your past or their behavior

👉🏽 Don’t rush to judge—but don’t sweep these under the rug either. Yellow flags can turn green with growth... or red with time.

🟠 ORANGE FLAGS — Under Construction

These are areas in someone’s life that are being worked on. They’re not perfect—but they’re teachable. This is where grace and discernment must walk hand in hand.

Examples:

  • Past issues with pornography, immorality, or anger (but they’re healing)

  • Struggles with spiritual maturity, modesty, or money

  • They’re still unsure about marriage or raising a family

👷🏽‍♂️ If they are growing, accountable, and consistent, that’s good.
🚧 If they’re defensive, inconsistent, or proud—watch out. A refusal to grow is a roadblock to a healthy relationship.

✅ GREEN FLAGS — Signs of a Healthy, Godly Relationship

Green flags show that this person may be safe to love and build with. These are signs that you’re heading in the right direction emotionally and spiritually.

Examples of Green Flags:

  • They listen and communicate with respect

  • They are emotionally aware and spiritually growing

  • They’re not afraid of accountability

  • They support your growth and independence

  • You feel safe, peaceful, and joyful around them

These are the kind of traits that set the foundation for a godly marriage—not just good chemistry.

HOW TO RESPOND TO RED FLAGS

If you’re in a situation where red flags are present, here’s what to do:

  1. Acknowledge your own needs – You matter too.

  2. Communicate openly – But don’t beg them to change.

  3. Seek wise counsel – Don’t suffer in silence.

  4. Set boundaries – You teach people how to treat you.

  5. Know when to walk away – Even Jesus left some towns when they refused to listen.

💭 FINAL THOUGHTS

Family, I know love can be confusing. But it should never feel like a war zone. The right relationship will not drain your spirit—it will nourish it.

Remember: God doesn’t just want you to be in love. He wants you to be in truth. That means guarding your heart, walking in wisdom, and trusting that God’s timing and God’s person will never contradict God’s peace.

You deserve a relationship that brings life—not wounds.

SCRIPTURES TO MEDITATE ON THIS WEEK

  • Proverbs 4:23 – “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

  • 1 Corinthians 13 – Love is patient, love is kind…

  • Ephesians 5:11 – “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”

🙋🏽‍♂️ Have you seen any flags in your relationship?
Let’s talk. Share in the comments or inbox me for a private mentorship chat. And don’t forget to tag someone who needs to hear this truth.

#LoveTalks #DavechaMoments #GodlyDating #RelationshipWisdom #ChristianSingles #RedFlags #EmotionalHealth #KingdomCourtship

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