10 Essential Conversations Every Couple Must Have Before Marriage

10 Essential Conversations Every Couple Must Have Before Marriage

By Coach Davie, Certified Life Coach (ICR Coach Register - ISO 9001, QAP IMI) Mentor, Trainer, Pastor

Introduction: Why Pre-Marital Conversations Matter

Marriage is a lifelong commitment, and preparation is key to ensuring a strong and fulfilling union. Before saying “I do,” couples must engage in open, honest, and meaningful discussions about important aspects of life.

Biblical Wisdom: Proverbs 24:3-4 – "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures."

As a relationship coach, I have seen many couples struggle with challenges that could have been addressed before marriage. These 10 essential conversations will help align expectations, strengthen communication, and prevent misunderstandings that could cause conflict later.

Testimonial: "We started discussing these topics before marriage, and it helped us avoid conflicts we never expected. Our marriage is stronger because we laid a solid foundation." — James & Grace, Married for 5 Years

1️ Communication Styles & Conflict Resolution

    ➔ How do we express our thoughts and feelings?

    ➔ How do we handle conflict—avoid, confront, or compromise?

    ➔ What are our expectations for communication in marriage?

James 1:19 – "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."

Example: John and Mary had different communication styles. By learning to express their concerns respectfully, they avoided unnecessary conflicts.

Reflection: How can we improve our communication before marriage?

2️ Financial Expectations & Money Management

    ➔ Do we have similar or different financial habits?

    ➔ Will we merge finances, have joint and separate accounts, or keep everything separate?

    ➔ How do we plan to handle budgeting, savings, and investments?

Luke 14:28 – "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?"

Example: David assumed Sarah was a saver like him, but she loved spending. Discussing finances early helped them create a financial plan that balanced both habits.

Reflection: What are our financial priorities as a couple?

3️ Family & Parenting Beliefs

    ➔ Do we both want children? If so, how many?

    ➔ What are our views on parenting, discipline, and education?

    ➔ How do we balance parenting roles and responsibilities?

Psalm 127:3 – "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him."

Example: Sarah wanted three kids, while Paul was unsure about having children. Their pre-marital discussions helped them align their expectations.

Reflection: What kind of parents do we want to be?

4️ Career Aspirations & Work-Life Balance

    ➔ How do we support each other’s career goals?

    ➔ Will job changes, promotions, or relocations impact our relationship?

    ➔ How do we balance work, family, and personal time?

Ecclesiastes 4:9 – "Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor."

Example: Mark’s demanding career required travel, which worried his fiancée. By setting clear expectations, they found ways to maintain connection despite his schedule.

Reflection: How do we ensure our careers don’t interfere with our marriage?

5️ Spiritual Beliefs & Faith Practices

    ➔ What role does faith play in our relationship?

    ➔ How will we nurture spiritual growth together?

    ➔ What are our expectations for church involvement and ministry?

2 Corinthians 6:14 – "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers."

Example: Mary was raised Catholic, while James attended a Pentecostal church. Discussing their spiritual differences helped them find common ground in faith.

Reflection: How can we grow spiritually together?

6️ Roles & Responsibilities in Marriage

    ➔ What are our expectations for household roles and duties?

    ➔ How do we share responsibilities in decision-making?

    ➔ How do we ensure fairness and teamwork in our daily lives?

Ephesians 5:21 – "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Example: Janet assumed her husband would handle all finances, but he wanted joint decision-making. Discussing this helped them divide responsibilities fairly.

Reflection: How can we create a balanced partnership?

7️ Handling Extended Family & In-Laws

    ➔ What are our expectations for family involvement?

    ➔ How do we handle conflicts with in-laws?

    ➔ How do we set healthy boundaries while honoring family?

Genesis 2:24 – "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh."

Example: Peter’s mother frequently interfered in their marriage. Setting boundaries early helped him and his wife establish independence while maintaining respect.

Reflection: How do we protect our marriage while honoring family?

8️ Past Relationships & Emotional Baggage

    ➔ Have we healed from past relationships?

    ➔ How do we handle trust issues or insecurities?

    ➔ How do we create a fresh start together?

Isaiah 43:18 – "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."

Example: Anna struggled with trust due to past heartbreak. Honest discussions helped her fiancé support her healing process.

Reflection: How can we ensure past wounds don’t affect our future marriage?

9️ Health & Lifestyle Choices

    ➔ What are our expectations for physical and emotional health?

    ➔ How do we handle medical emergencies or chronic conditions?

    ➔ How do we prioritize self-care and fitness as a couple?

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – "Your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit."

Example: Emma’s dietary restrictions required special meal planning. Her fiancé’s willingness to adjust made their relationship stronger.

Reflection: How can we encourage a healthy lifestyle together?

10. Intimacy & Expectations in Marriage

    ➔ What are our expectations for physical intimacy?

    ➔ How do we handle seasons of emotional distance?

    ➔ How do we ensure a fulfilling and loving marriage?

Song of Solomon 4:7 – "You are altogether beautiful, my darling; there is no flaw in you."

Example: Open conversations helped Lisa and Kevin build a secure, loving, and intimate marriage without fear or pressure.

Reflection: How do we nurture emotional and physical closeness?

Final Commitment

As a couple, we commit to having open discussions about these essential topics. We understand that honest communication, shared values, and biblical wisdom will guide us toward a long-lasting marriage.

Want more insights? Contact me for coaching & mentorship. WhatsApp: +254 721 166180 | ✉️ Email: davechamoments@gmail.com